PORNOGRAPHY. I imagine we have all come across porn on some level or another; videos, magazines, animation, photos, et cetera. So let me ask you this, for those who view porn, are you watching ‘sex-positive’ porn or are you settling for easily accessible ‘sex-negative’ porn? If you’re watching the latter, ask yourself this: Why is it that you choose to do so?
Sex-positive porn (SPP) can be loosely described as: consensual, non-objectifying, non-exploitative and enjoyable for all participants. Whereas sex-negative porn (SNP) can be loosely described as: non-consensual, abusive, demeaning and harmful (or at least appearing to be so). Whatever the reason or reasons are that you might occasionally go to the porn shop, or systematically visit your ‘favourites’ to stream the latest ‘Jizzed On Jasmine, Featuring 1 Female and 5 Males’, ask yourself if this content is something that you want to be exposed to. Take a minute or two to think about your motivations before you choose between ‘Amateur Anal Bust Andy’ or ‘Cock-smacked Candy’…
Despite our somewhat innocent/ignorant idea of porn as taking care of one need or another, we are most likely being bombarded by a slew of scenarios which we may or may not want to be exposed to while visiting SNP sites. Sure we are feeling aroused and slightly sweaty, but we are also ingesting everything else that is going on in the scene along with ‘Tammy Takes On 10′, who is vigorously tending to 3 males while the other 7 wait to have their turn. Is she genuinely enjoying herself? How did she end up on her knees surrounded by all of these men? Why do these men choose to be a part of this scenario? What are the power dynamics being portrayed in this scenario and what roles are the ‘characters’ playing? Sure it might be exciting for her to challenge herself and be the centre of attention, but come on, she is without-a-doubt in physical pain, and likely not in a good way. Moreover, the 10 men appear emotionally disconnected from their bodies with lifeless stares to boot.
Most of these SNP videos promote the understanding that males aren’t considered men unless they are forcefully dominating a female or penetrating every last nook and cranny of the female form. Females for that matter are broken down into body parts and are usually placed in submissive and compromising situations. What is the matter with this you ask? Well a lot.
This kind of porn doesn’t provide us with the emotional side of sex and at most leaves us somewhat physically satisfied, but entirely emotionally deprived. If one were to think that of this style of porn as their teaching assistant when it comes to intimacy and having an exciting sex life, I would have to say that they are at a preschool level when it comes to experiencing the beauty and complexity of sex.
The point I’m trying to highlight here is that too many people mindlessly react to their impulses without taking the time to evaluate their choices. This goes for MANY day to day happenings, but I’m focusing on sex-negative porn for today. By no means is this article an attack on pornography and sexual expression, instead it is an attempt to bring awareness to positive sources of sexual content and to challenge you to consider what is going on in the background of what you watch. If you are viewing a video of people engaging in sexual acts who seem to lack visible consent, or respect for themselves or their fellow performers, consider why you are continuing to watch and what those individuals onscreen are really feeling and experiencing. Too heavy? Maybe for some, but this sort of porn should not be excused as a mindless escape from reality. Be conscientious of what you are taking in and attempt to avoid polluting yourself with unnecessary, destructive images.
If you have ever watched a video and felt even the slightest bit uncomfortable with what you just witnessed, then it probably wasn’t something that you agree with and therefore you should not be supporting it. Be aware of the unpleasant feeling you might have experienced post climax and observe it before you attempt to shrug it off. Don’t compromise or cheapen your feel-good sex experiences by viewing a porn video will not leave you feeling sensationally, and hopefully somewhat emotionally, gratified. Choose wisely and thoroughly enjoy!
By watching SNP, whether we like it or not, we are assisting in fuelling an aspect of an industry which unfortunately isn’t going to help any of us out in the long run. If you don’t have access to SPP, non-abusive or non-degrading sex sources, seek out something new! A few recommendations: If you’re having trouble falling asleep lately, pick up a sexy book of your liking to help you ease into dream land. Maybe you’re feeling uninspired with the sex you’re having lately, why not try looking into some cool tantra practices/positions to impress your partner/date. Take a sex course and expose yourself to adventurous ideas to please yourself and/or your partner so you can test them out when you’re feeling frisky or in a rut. Or if you’re feeling down in the dumps and need a dopamine rush to carry you through the rest of the day, try searching online for SPP to help you out. There are plenty of awesome resources out there for you to choose from! Above all, BE CREATIVE and don’t settle for porn that will leave you feeling conflicted.
ITS TIME! Check out other options to get your rocks off tonight! May you, your one-nighter, your FWB or love partner, enjoy your romp!
*This article was inspired by: http://thethirtiesgrind.com/2012/06/12/theyre-sexy-and-they-know-it-sext-up-kids-explores-the-hypersexualization-of-our-children-and-the-consequences/ Check it out!